He sat in his wheelchair, looking at me wistfully. His body was deformed, and he seemed a bit disoriented. No one seemed to be paying much attention to him as the lobby was bustling with patients, nurses, alarms and Elvis.
"Do you have ten minutes to talk to me?" he asked softly.
Unsure of how to respond, I looked toward my colleague, who was distracted at the nurse's station. As I hesitated, he softly spoke again:
"Don't look at her. Look at me. Do you have ten minutes to talk to me?"
So many thoughts went through my mind in quick succession:
Do I have ten minutes?
Am I allowed to talk to him?
Is he experiencing dementia and thinks I'm someone he knows?
And, ultimately (and what I'm ashamed to admit):
Is he going to say or do something that makes me uncomfortable?
Pushing all of these questions aside, I finally looked at him. Not just glanced in his general direction, but I locked eyes with him and held his gaze, took his hand and said, "Yes, I have time."
So we talked. About nothing really, but about everything at the same time. More was exchanged in those few minutes than the past three hours of conversation I had been having with other people. He was very soft spoken and didn't make a lot of sense. But when I shook his hand to signal I needed to leave, his next words stunned me:
"It has been an absolute joy to talk to you today."
We had talked for less than five minutes about nothing that seemed to matter, and it is highly likely he doesn't even remember it now. But that wasn't the point. He wanted to be acknowledged, to be accepted as a human being who could carry on a conversation.
He wanted to be seen.
And God allowed me...me, filled with selfishness, hurriedness, uncertainty and judgment...He allowed ME to SEE this man for those few moments. I had to fight back tears as I walked away. Who am I to deserve such grace to get to witness this incredible life, even if for but a moment? Who am I to be chosen to be at THIS place, at THIS time, for THIS moment?
As I was leaving, the nurse told me not to pay attention to him because he is needy and inappropriate a lot of the time. I'm sure he is, and there are always reasons to be careful. But I am glad that for those few moments God empowered me to let go of what anyone else thought about what I was doing. He helped me see past how anyone else judged this man (myself included), and SEE HIM. I am deeply humbled that God didn't let me miss that moment. My cup overflows.
I saw God today.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Wake-Up Fairy
A post I wrote years ago that I wanted to move from FB to this blog:
Wake Up!
November 26, 2007 at 10:13pm
"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you." (Isaiah 60:1)
When I was in kindergarten we had nap time. Being an energetic 5 year old made this time of day very difficult for me. If I slept I might miss something wonderful, and I didn't want to take that chance. Now, the most magical moment about nap time was when the teacher would walk around and see who was "sleeping the best." Whoever was chosen got the glory of being the "Wake-Up Fairy" for that day. This lucky kid got to walk around and wake everyone else up. Oh how I wanted to be chosen as the wake up fairy! However, being the insomniac kindergartner deprived me of that privilege. But at least I got to watch the whole process from my little plastic mat...being already awake and all...=D
Have you ever noticed that a lot of people seem to be sleep walking? They walk around like zombies, mindlessly moving from one thing to the next. They go to work but wish they were home. They go home and complain about work. Then they top it all off by zoning out into the television or a book. Or they drown every moment with people and places and things, never really taking the time to be still. Then they wake up the next day and do it all over again. I have been guilty of this myself...just going through the motions without any real thought about what I am doing. My question is: Where is the joy? Where is the sense of wonder and amazement that we had as little kids? That pressing desire to stay present for every single moment, just in case something amazing happens? Where is the hope in something greater than ourselves? Greater and more wonderful than our wildest imagination? Hope in a God who will never disappoint? I would dare say that there are many people who get to the end of their lives and wonder, what have I been doing all of this time?
It is time to wake up! No more statements like: when I get married; when I get out of debt; when the children are grown; if I had a better house, a nicer car, a higher paying job...THEN I can REALLY start living. We must stop waiting to live because this moment in time is the only one we have. Living in a constant state of waiting will only rob us of the enjoyment that is to be had right now. And when we are robbed of enjoyment, we become those zombies I described earlier, just trying to get through the now so we can make to the later.
May we be challenged to wake up and look at what is right in front of us. Nine times out of ten we will see that it is PEOPLE. People who need us, who love us and are also in desperate need of a wake up call. How can we wake them up if we, too, are sleeping? We must wake up and be the light of the world that God has called us to be. If not us, then who?
"for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.' Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity..." (Ephesians 5:14-16a)
My friends, it is time to become a Wake-Up Fairy!
When I was in kindergarten we had nap time. Being an energetic 5 year old made this time of day very difficult for me. If I slept I might miss something wonderful, and I didn't want to take that chance. Now, the most magical moment about nap time was when the teacher would walk around and see who was "sleeping the best." Whoever was chosen got the glory of being the "Wake-Up Fairy" for that day. This lucky kid got to walk around and wake everyone else up. Oh how I wanted to be chosen as the wake up fairy! However, being the insomniac kindergartner deprived me of that privilege. But at least I got to watch the whole process from my little plastic mat...being already awake and all...=D
Have you ever noticed that a lot of people seem to be sleep walking? They walk around like zombies, mindlessly moving from one thing to the next. They go to work but wish they were home. They go home and complain about work. Then they top it all off by zoning out into the television or a book. Or they drown every moment with people and places and things, never really taking the time to be still. Then they wake up the next day and do it all over again. I have been guilty of this myself...just going through the motions without any real thought about what I am doing. My question is: Where is the joy? Where is the sense of wonder and amazement that we had as little kids? That pressing desire to stay present for every single moment, just in case something amazing happens? Where is the hope in something greater than ourselves? Greater and more wonderful than our wildest imagination? Hope in a God who will never disappoint? I would dare say that there are many people who get to the end of their lives and wonder, what have I been doing all of this time?
It is time to wake up! No more statements like: when I get married; when I get out of debt; when the children are grown; if I had a better house, a nicer car, a higher paying job...THEN I can REALLY start living. We must stop waiting to live because this moment in time is the only one we have. Living in a constant state of waiting will only rob us of the enjoyment that is to be had right now. And when we are robbed of enjoyment, we become those zombies I described earlier, just trying to get through the now so we can make to the later.
May we be challenged to wake up and look at what is right in front of us. Nine times out of ten we will see that it is PEOPLE. People who need us, who love us and are also in desperate need of a wake up call. How can we wake them up if we, too, are sleeping? We must wake up and be the light of the world that God has called us to be. If not us, then who?
"for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.' Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity..." (Ephesians 5:14-16a)
My friends, it is time to become a Wake-Up Fairy!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
God and Gracie
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| An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. Martin Buber |
I've always had at least one cat as a pet, but Gracie is the first cat who has been only mine. When I first found this four-week-old rescue, she was so tiny she could sit in the palm of my hand. She loved to curl up on my shoulder and sleep, and even though she is much bigger now, she still throws as much of her body onto my shoulder as she possibly can whenever I pick her up. Her favorite pasttime is sleeping, but she also loves to play fetch with the twist-off tab from the milk carton, watch birds through the window, and plot innovative schemes to try getting outdoors.
What I didn't know when I met Gracie is that God had a plan for her life. He reaches me through her. He uses her love--her faithful, constant, unconditional love--to remind me of His. He enlarges my spirit when she snuggles up to me and purrs, completely content just to be near. It reminds me of His nearness. She connects me with my parents as she knew them both before they died. She senses my grief at times, and won't leave my side. Neither has He. She dances with me (unwillingly at times, I'll admit :) when I'm happy, and she nuzzles me when I'm sad. God dances with me, too. And He holds my tears in His heart.
One day I whispered to Gracie: I want you to know of my love for you every single day of your life. Then I heard God whisper to me: I want you to know that, too, daughter of Mine.
How He loves me through this beautiful little creature! I knew her name before I ever met her. It's a name that reminds me daily of His grace without end. He knew my name long before anyone else, also. He knew how every single day of my life would play out. And He knew I would need little Gracie to help get me through some of the most difficult, heart-wrenching moments of my life. He knew and He provided, causing us to meet at just the right moment. I tear up when I think about it.
Who knew such mighty truths could be revealed to me through an eight-pound ball of fur? I sure didn't. But I'm undeniably and deeply grateful. And because she is in my life, I know I am undeniably and deeply loved by a God who will never let go. He is faithful.
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| Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. Anatole France |
Thursday, January 24, 2013
100 Things that Make Me Feel Alive
When rays of sunlight come through dark clouds
- Writing
- Gracie snores
- Gracie purrs
- Gracie
- Sleeping in on Saturdays
- Belly laughter with friends
- Driving with all four windows down on a beautiful, sunny day
- Travelling
- Losing myself in a really great book
- The smell of rain
- Double rainbows
- That quiet peace that falls over the earth when covered by a white blanket of snow
- Having heart-to-hearts over coffee
- The smell of coffee and new books
- Losing track of time due to being fully in the moment at a bookstore
- Eating outside
- Lying in the sunshine
- Standing at the edge of a misty ocean
- Hearing the rain fall
- Spending time with awesome people
- Helping people
- Journaling
- Prayer
- Sensing God's nearness
- Exercising outside
- Lying on park bench, reading in the sunshine
- 75 degrees, perfectly sunny, light breeze
- Salty ocean breezes
- A campground early in the morning
- Being near a lake
- Spontanaity
- Working hard
- Encouraging people
- The Eucharist
- Yummy lotion scents
- Gilmore Girls marathons
- Sleeping in freshly laundered sheets
- Free breakfast at hotels
- Airport shopping
- Flying
- Peaceful solitude
- When Gracie does flips
- Sweet moments that turn into lifelong memories
- Hugs from little kids
- Beautiful, soul enhancing music
- Johnson and Johnson's Vapor Bath
- Sun kissed faces
- Freckles
- Dandelions
- Wildflowers
- Children laughing uncontrollably
- Seeing the world through a child's imagination
- Singing at the top of my lungs while driving
- Hilarious people
- Planting seeds of hope in people's lives
- Getting lost in a video game
- Accomplishing a goal
- A clean, uncluttered home
- Freshly vaccuumed carpets
- Sipping coffee and reading in bed on Saturday mornings
- Pajamas after a long day
- Comfortable silence
- Dancing
- Singing silly songs in silly voices
- Being part of something great
- When Gracie dries my tears with her furry face
- Adoring Christ
- Productive days
- Genuinely loving people
- Having all the windows open in the house during springtime
- Lots of candles burning
- Playing guitar by candlelight
- Playing guitar outdoors
- Writing songs
- Putting the last piece in a puzzle
- Staying true to my values and belief system
- Eating healthy
- Breakfast for dinner
- Freshly polished furniture
- When the car has just been washed
- Dreaming good dreams
- Spiritual reflection
- Spiritual conversations
- Being loved
- Being a daughter of the King
- St. Cecilia in Nashville, TN
- Riding a bike across the Golden Gate Bridge
- Making people laugh
- My fuzzy cat blanket
- Fuzzy, warm socks
- Seeing the love for Jesus on the face of a Sister
- Hearing the Sisters sing
- Being content
- Weekends
- Bringing even the tiniest moments of joy to others
- The mountains in the fall
- Waterfalls
- Beautiful tapestries painted across the sky
- Cloud shapes
“Don’t ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
~Howard Thurman
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
20 Things I've Learned about Life in Grad School
20. People's FB profiles are SO interesting, as well as ALL of their photo albums, when you are trying to write a paper.
19. Gracie is a great research assistant. She likes to chew on my articles, lay on my textbooks and walk across my laptop in key moments of inspiration.
18. It really is ok to take a break and have some fun! Laughter is good for the soul.
17. You Tube video hilarity is inversely correlated to my amount of sleep.
16. My ability to comprehend/process words is also inversely correlated to my amount of sleep. The other day I was quite certain I someone say he forgot his underwear when he came back in to get something from his office. All I can say is, wow.
15. I've been reading too much research when I use phrases like inversely correlated in casual conversation.
14. Gummy bears and coffee go really well together.
13. Man can live on coffee alone, as long as people don't mind the spaciness, forgetfulness and clumsiness that accumulates over time.
12. Dust particles grow teeth and growl at you when you are trying to write a paper. If you don't stop everything you are doing to take care of it, it WILL eat you. Better safe than sorry.
11.Your boyfriend turns into a prince on a white horse coming to rescue you when he shows up with Outback in the middle of several long days of research/writing. I love him.
10. Gracie will not go to sleep in the night unless I do. She does, however, meow pitifully, staring longingly at the bed. Sometimes I join her. ;-)
09. In those moments when you are so exhausted you feel you cannot take another step, the very smallest act of encouragement, like a note left in the house or a little post on FB, seems to magically appear. God is so cool like that.
08.You cannot live up to everyone's expectations all the time. Those who matter stick around, and I must say, I have absolutely the MOST fantastic friends a gal could ever ask for. I am blessed!
07. I am not 18 anymore. I need sleep!
06. Random dancing with Gracie to upbeat music at 2am is a great re-energizer. Not that I would ever engage in such an activity. Ever.
05.All those tv shows you thought you couldn't live without...turns out you can. I didn't even miss them.
04. If you aim for perfection, you'll likely land in excellence. And even if you miss the mark, the fact that you tried puts you way ahead of those who didn't bother.
03. Grades do not define you. In the end, it's about finishing with integrity.
02. Sometimes you might be thinking, "There is NO way I can get all of these assignments done!" You don't have to. Just do the next one.
And the number one thing I've learned about life thus far in graduate school is...
01. It IS possible to dream in APA format.
19. Gracie is a great research assistant. She likes to chew on my articles, lay on my textbooks and walk across my laptop in key moments of inspiration.
18. It really is ok to take a break and have some fun! Laughter is good for the soul.
17. You Tube video hilarity is inversely correlated to my amount of sleep.
16. My ability to comprehend/process words is also inversely correlated to my amount of sleep. The other day I was quite certain I someone say he forgot his underwear when he came back in to get something from his office. All I can say is, wow.
15. I've been reading too much research when I use phrases like inversely correlated in casual conversation.
14. Gummy bears and coffee go really well together.
13. Man can live on coffee alone, as long as people don't mind the spaciness, forgetfulness and clumsiness that accumulates over time.
12. Dust particles grow teeth and growl at you when you are trying to write a paper. If you don't stop everything you are doing to take care of it, it WILL eat you. Better safe than sorry.
11.Your boyfriend turns into a prince on a white horse coming to rescue you when he shows up with Outback in the middle of several long days of research/writing. I love him.
10. Gracie will not go to sleep in the night unless I do. She does, however, meow pitifully, staring longingly at the bed. Sometimes I join her. ;-)
09. In those moments when you are so exhausted you feel you cannot take another step, the very smallest act of encouragement, like a note left in the house or a little post on FB, seems to magically appear. God is so cool like that.
08.You cannot live up to everyone's expectations all the time. Those who matter stick around, and I must say, I have absolutely the MOST fantastic friends a gal could ever ask for. I am blessed!
07. I am not 18 anymore. I need sleep!
06. Random dancing with Gracie to upbeat music at 2am is a great re-energizer. Not that I would ever engage in such an activity. Ever.
05.All those tv shows you thought you couldn't live without...turns out you can. I didn't even miss them.
04. If you aim for perfection, you'll likely land in excellence. And even if you miss the mark, the fact that you tried puts you way ahead of those who didn't bother.
03. Grades do not define you. In the end, it's about finishing with integrity.
02. Sometimes you might be thinking, "There is NO way I can get all of these assignments done!" You don't have to. Just do the next one.
And the number one thing I've learned about life thus far in graduate school is...
01. It IS possible to dream in APA format.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
He is Faithful
The sky is black, threatening and debris is whirling all around me. Up above me is a furious, twisting volume of wind that forms into a tornado. I am running as fast as I can, and on either side of me are two of my close friends. As I run, I look ahead and I see beautiful flowers everywhere. They are ethereal, vivid, and very out of place. They are growing from concrete. Not through the cracks of the sidewalk, but from pure, concrete buildings from which it would be impossible for a flower to grow. "What are those doing there?" says one of my friends. I consider this for quite some time as I continue to run, and then I realize the answer. I realize that they are not there by chance, but for a specific reason. "God put these flowers here as a sign of His faithfulness," I answer. In that instant I know that this is the reason for the flowers. Flowers simply cannot grow from concrete. The Lord put them there to show me that He makes beautiful things come out of random, unexpected places.
Such was the content of a dream I had on May 28, 2005. It would seem that this dream encompasses a theme that has been prevalent throughout my entire life: God's faithfulness. In the darkest of moments He has been my Light. In the unbearable heat He has been my Refuge. In the unthinkable circumstances He has been my Salvation. He is my Glory and the Lifter of my Head, my Father who takes care of His daughter. He is the reason I get up every morning, the Lover of my Soul, my Song in the Night, my Beloved.
"I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor for all to see
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair"
--Crystal Lewis--
I have no real reason to start this blog, except that I love to write. Even more, I love to write about what God has done and what He continues to do. I wish to bring HIM to the souls of this earth, and I pray that I may do so through my writing, through my words, my actions, my life.
"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." (Psalm 118:17)
Such was the content of a dream I had on May 28, 2005. It would seem that this dream encompasses a theme that has been prevalent throughout my entire life: God's faithfulness. In the darkest of moments He has been my Light. In the unbearable heat He has been my Refuge. In the unthinkable circumstances He has been my Salvation. He is my Glory and the Lifter of my Head, my Father who takes care of His daughter. He is the reason I get up every morning, the Lover of my Soul, my Song in the Night, my Beloved.
"I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor for all to see
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair"
--Crystal Lewis--
I have no real reason to start this blog, except that I love to write. Even more, I love to write about what God has done and what He continues to do. I wish to bring HIM to the souls of this earth, and I pray that I may do so through my writing, through my words, my actions, my life.
"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." (Psalm 118:17)
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