Standing Held

Tossed back and forth like the waves of the ocean
Swirling around and around
Pulled out unaware by the tide
Out to a place where I will surely drown.

I struggle, swim faster, try harder
Thinking if I can just get back to shore
Then I can find stable ground, safety, a foundation.  
But my effort only increases my exhaustion.

And I drift further.  

Unable to fight anymore, I give up.  
I hide myself in the white sea foam and let go.
Completely still, I sink.
Just before my head goes under, I look up 

And that's when I see Him.  

His eyes full of love, He reaches out His hand.
Depleted of strength, I cannot reach back
So my head goes under as my tears add to the saltiness of the ocean
And I resign myself to the darkness that now envelopes me.

Then, something happens.

I'm being lifted from the bottom
And before I know it I'm blinking against the brightness of the sun.
I close my eyes and wait to be taken to the safety of the shore. 
As I wait I contemplate this Rescuer.

Who is He?
And who am I that He would choose to pick me up
No matter how many times I willfully swim away?

Why doesn't He just let go? 

Breathing the salty air, I open my eyes and realize I'm standing still.
But I'm not on the shore.
I'm still out at sea, the waves violent as ever.
Except now I'm dry.

I dare to look at Him 
And He looks right back with eyes that believe I can be more.
It's then that I know He has invited me to stand.
Not on the sandy shore, and not in the lush green valley.  

But on the water, even as the wind rages on. 
He invites me to stand.
Held.  

My Little Corner of the World

In my lifetime I have heard many wonderful presentations, read inspiring stories, written down motivational quotes and applauded when people have spoken truth from a raised platform in front of large audiences. More recently, I see posts go viral on Facebook that people consider heartfelt, sad, uplifting, tragic, angering.  With the advancement of technology, it's quite simple to share information.  At the click of a mouse, we've spread the word, we've made someone else aware, we've done our part.  With clear conscience, we can settle back into the comfort of our own homes, with our warm blankets and cozy candles, snuggling our remotes and bags of potato chips, watching our favorite television shows.

But, what are we really doing?  What CAN we do?  We talk about solutions, but are we just talking?  Are we taking action to create a world where these solutions can come about?  Or are we just passing along disgust about these situations from one person to the next and then moving back into our comfortable lives? I'm at such a crossroads right now.  What is MY role in making the world a better place?  And how much control do I really have over that anyway?  

It is hard to accept the things I cannot change.  I can't change people.  I can't change situations that are evil, twisted and so filled with deception that vulnerable people, people who have been entrusted to my care, are manipulated.  I certainly can't protect everyone.  I can talk and plead and beg and cry until I have no more breath in me, but if a person doesn't want to make changes, there is nothing more I can do about it.  But it breaks my heart. It makes me want to beat my head into a wall.  It makes me feel like I am watching someone run straight off a cliff at full speed, and I am screaming at this person.  I'm waving my arms and throwing red flags all over the place.  I'm even sending bulls into the path to try to stop the madness.  But, instead of slowing down the person speeds up, thinking that whatever is over that cliff is what is best. Except, in my most recent situation, this person's jumping off the cliff will be the demise of someone else who is completely helpless.  And all there is left for me to do is stand here and watch.  

I absolutely love people.  I mean, I love everything about them.  I think that is why when I am faced with someone who truly does not see how much harm is being caused by ongoing decisions being made, I am crushed.  I am disappointed because, despite the fact that I have lived through hell and journeyed back to life, I still choose to believe the very best about human beings.  I look for the beauty and forget the bad. People deserve that.  It makes life so much better--loving people despite themselves. 

So, again I ask?  What are we DOING to make our little corner of the world a better place?  I know we can't all get involved in every cause that exists around us.  But, I do plead with you to think the next time you go to hit that share button for a cause on Facebook. Instead of sharing an article about the growing number of homeless faces in Nashville with your comment about how someone needs to do something, go volunteer an hour of your time at the Soup Kitchen.  Instead of ranting about the horrendous crime that occurs all around us, mentor a teen, thus planting seeds that will help grow healthier building blocks for future society. Rather than shake your head in disgust over the latest gossip you just heard about a struggling coworker, walk away.  Even better, go encourage that coworker.  It may not seem like much, but every positive moment counts.  It matters.  You choose how you will interact with the world, how your life will matter, what difference you will make.  

I'll tell you what I'm going to do to make a difference in MY little corner of the world.  Despite the fact that I have looked straight into the face of horrendous, seemingly unchangeable injustice this week, I'm going to keep loving and walking right next to people as they journey through some of the most difficult life moments they'll ever face.  I might be disappointed. My heart might be a bit heavy from an ongoing impossible situation I cannot change, but these lives are worth moving forward and continuing the work I've been called to do. The fight is far from over.  So we carry on.

Less talking, more doing.  Get out there and DO something.  

"I did my best, it wasn't much.

I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch. 

I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.

And even though it all went wrong,

I'll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but, 'hallelujah...'"

~Leonard Cohen~

50 Things that Bring Me Delight: A Stream of Consciousness Post

I've had a lot of intense, stressful situations coming at me lately. This morning I was in the midst of one and I looked over and saw the girl next to me singing at the top of her lungs in her car. I mean, she was FEELING it. I was staring and smiling. Sadly, she noticed me and stopped.  I didn't want her to. It brought such delight to my spirit. I decided to ponder other things that randomly bring delight to my days. I made the list first, and then decided to write this little intro. I have to say, by the time I finished the list, I was smiling from within. Much love to anyone who reads this.

1. When the person in the car next to me is in his/her own little world, singing as loudly as possible.
2. When people are laughing really hard in public places.
3. Sarcastic people.  Nice sarcastic.  Not mean sarcastic.  There's a difference.
4. When my kittty looks into my eyes and starts purring really loudly.  Kitty love!!
5. When I am having an insanely stressful moment and I look up at a sunset that takes my breath away.
6. When I see 50 birds on a wire, just chillin'.
7. Really bright, green grass in the middle of winter.
8. My elderly patient who wheels her five pots of flowers around the halls on her walker shelf.
9. When patients sing to me.
10. When patients trust me enough to cry with me.
11. People who smell good.
12. Springtime when all the trees are blooming at the same time.
13. When it snows enough to make the world fall frozen and silent.
14. How much my kitties love each other.
15. When I wake up and both of my furry loves are on either side of my pillow, waiting.
16. 78 degree days with lots and lots of sunshine.
17. Large bodies of water, especially salty water.
18. When the angle of the sun makes the world glow orange.
19. Fields of dandelions.
20. The smell, taste, warmth, and feel of coffee.
21. Peppermint tea.
22. Freshly made, strong, unsweet iced tea.
23. Coffee shops with warm, inviting atmospheres.
24. Friends who are completely comfortable sitting in silence together.
25. Hilarious people.
26. Deep blue, cloudless skies.
27. Aquafresh, extreme clean toothpaste.  Burns so good.
28. On Guard Essential Oil, also burns.  Has kept me from illness many, many times.
29. Warm, fuzzy socks.
30. When both of my furbabes sleep in my lap at the same time.
31. Bright colors everywhere.
32. Non-cluttered surfaces.
33. Organized areas.
34. Random, unexpected encouragement.
35. People who do the right thing.
36. Kids who are not shy.
37. Dogs who don't jump on me.
38. Target, Ross, Hobby Lobby.  Mmmmm...
39. Bookstores, especially eccentric ones.
40. Historic moments/places/events.
41. Remembering that I belong to a God who will never let me go.
42. Being around my beautiful friends.
43. The smell of freshly cut grass.
44. Seeing cows laying down in the field.
45. Soft, comfortable clothing.
46. Clothing that makes me feel beautiful.
47. Have I mentioned how much delight my kitties bring to my life?
48. New adventures.
49. Creating things.
50. People who are truly enjoying their job.

Live well.