The Table

Most people in my life know that I recently left a great job, a great city, with great friends...and moved to Nashville.  Crazy, huh??  I have been in transition for what feels like forever, although it's really only been a few months. I'm just now beginning to breathe a little easier since my home is unpacked, organized and peaceful once more.  The kitties are happy in their new space, things are slowly coming together at work, and it is looking more and more like we are all going to survive this move.  

Something that I've asked myself repeatedly is, why?  Why did I leave a place where I was comfortable, secure, and happy with how life was going? In my more stressful moments here, the question has been worded more like:  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???  ;-)  

I came because I felt God tugging me here.  While I was happy and comfortable where I was, I was also beginning to feel a restlessness that I could not calm.  I looked at my daily life, and kept asking myself: is this it? Have you "arrived?" The answer was a deafening no.  I longed for "something more."  I wondered if I was being selfish.  If I should just be content with all that has been provided for me.  And then I realized the longing for more had been planted by God, and that He was calling me to new heights.  I know I'll never fully "arrive," but I also know God is constantly inviting us to be a part of something bigger than we know.  For me, the next step was moving to Nashville.  

But, let me be real.  It has been tough.  I miss the familiarity of Jackson, the routines, the confidence I felt in my job, the friends who surrounded me, the security of a church home, Target being three minutes from my house...I just miss it all.  Enter my "enemies."  Loneliness, insecurity, doubt, avoidance...all of these have filled at least part of my days here. Not being known here, not being able to pick up the phone and be in front of a familiar face within the hour has been tough on my more challenging days.  The busyness, the newness, the constant need to be "on" all day every day, has caused me to be vulnerable to those enemies.  

I was driving the other day and a song by Matt Maher came on, Psalm 23. There is a verse that says:  

Oh, my Lord, You prepare a table for You and me.

Oh, my Lord, in the middle of a fight with my enemies. 

I trust in You.  Lord, I trust in You. 

And as I was listening, I remembered.  I remembered God's faithfulness to take care of His daughter.  His tender love for me despite my running around in circles for the past several months, barely giving Him the time of day.  And there He was in my spirit, preparing a table for me and for Him--in the presence of my enemies.  There He was, loving me, delighting in me, rejoicing over me...and inviting me to His table.  The table He set up just for me and for Him.  

And here He still is.  In the presence of all that threatens my peace, HE is here. Preparing that table day after day.  It is my choice of whether I sit and join Him, but He's not going anywhere.  He's just waiting on me.  

Personally, I imagine the table to be at a quaint little coffee shop on the river, but as long as He is at it, it is perfect.  He is enough.  Believe and be satisfied.