He sat in his wheelchair, looking at me wistfully. His body was deformed, and he seemed a bit disoriented. No one seemed to be paying much attention to him as the lobby was bustling with patients, nurses, alarms and Elvis.
"Do you have ten minutes to talk to me?" he asked softly.
Unsure of how to respond, I looked toward my colleague, who was distracted at the nurse's station. As I hesitated, he softly spoke again:
"Don't look at her. Look at me. Do you have ten minutes to talk to me?"
So many thoughts went through my mind in quick succession:
Do I have ten minutes?
Am I allowed to talk to him?
Is he experiencing dementia and thinks I'm someone he knows?
And, ultimately (and what I'm ashamed to admit):
Is he going to say or do something that makes me uncomfortable?
Pushing all of these questions aside, I finally looked at him. Not just glanced in his general direction, but I locked eyes with him and held his gaze, took his hand and said, "Yes, I have time."
So we talked. About nothing really, but about everything at the same time. More was exchanged in those few minutes than the past three hours of conversation I had been having with other people. He was very soft spoken and didn't make a lot of sense. But when I shook his hand to signal I needed to leave, his next words stunned me:
"It has been an absolute joy to talk to you today."
We had talked for less than five minutes about nothing that seemed to matter, and it is highly likely he doesn't even remember it now. But that wasn't the point. He wanted to be acknowledged, to be accepted as a human being who could carry on a conversation.
He wanted to be seen.
And God allowed me...me, filled with selfishness, hurriedness, uncertainty and judgment...He allowed ME to SEE this man for those few moments. I had to fight back tears as I walked away. Who am I to deserve such grace to get to witness this incredible life, even if for but a moment? Who am I to be chosen to be at THIS place, at THIS time, for THIS moment?
As I was leaving, the nurse told me not to pay attention to him because he is needy and inappropriate a lot of the time. I'm sure he is, and there are always reasons to be careful. But I am glad that for those few moments God empowered me to let go of what anyone else thought about what I was doing. He helped me see past how anyone else judged this man (myself included), and SEE HIM. I am deeply humbled that God didn't let me miss that moment. My cup overflows.
I saw God today.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Wake-Up Fairy
A post I wrote years ago that I wanted to move from FB to this blog:
Wake Up!
November 26, 2007 at 10:13pm
"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you." (Isaiah 60:1)
When I was in kindergarten we had nap time. Being an energetic 5 year old made this time of day very difficult for me. If I slept I might miss something wonderful, and I didn't want to take that chance. Now, the most magical moment about nap time was when the teacher would walk around and see who was "sleeping the best." Whoever was chosen got the glory of being the "Wake-Up Fairy" for that day. This lucky kid got to walk around and wake everyone else up. Oh how I wanted to be chosen as the wake up fairy! However, being the insomniac kindergartner deprived me of that privilege. But at least I got to watch the whole process from my little plastic mat...being already awake and all...=D
Have you ever noticed that a lot of people seem to be sleep walking? They walk around like zombies, mindlessly moving from one thing to the next. They go to work but wish they were home. They go home and complain about work. Then they top it all off by zoning out into the television or a book. Or they drown every moment with people and places and things, never really taking the time to be still. Then they wake up the next day and do it all over again. I have been guilty of this myself...just going through the motions without any real thought about what I am doing. My question is: Where is the joy? Where is the sense of wonder and amazement that we had as little kids? That pressing desire to stay present for every single moment, just in case something amazing happens? Where is the hope in something greater than ourselves? Greater and more wonderful than our wildest imagination? Hope in a God who will never disappoint? I would dare say that there are many people who get to the end of their lives and wonder, what have I been doing all of this time?
It is time to wake up! No more statements like: when I get married; when I get out of debt; when the children are grown; if I had a better house, a nicer car, a higher paying job...THEN I can REALLY start living. We must stop waiting to live because this moment in time is the only one we have. Living in a constant state of waiting will only rob us of the enjoyment that is to be had right now. And when we are robbed of enjoyment, we become those zombies I described earlier, just trying to get through the now so we can make to the later.
May we be challenged to wake up and look at what is right in front of us. Nine times out of ten we will see that it is PEOPLE. People who need us, who love us and are also in desperate need of a wake up call. How can we wake them up if we, too, are sleeping? We must wake up and be the light of the world that God has called us to be. If not us, then who?
"for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.' Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity..." (Ephesians 5:14-16a)
My friends, it is time to become a Wake-Up Fairy!
When I was in kindergarten we had nap time. Being an energetic 5 year old made this time of day very difficult for me. If I slept I might miss something wonderful, and I didn't want to take that chance. Now, the most magical moment about nap time was when the teacher would walk around and see who was "sleeping the best." Whoever was chosen got the glory of being the "Wake-Up Fairy" for that day. This lucky kid got to walk around and wake everyone else up. Oh how I wanted to be chosen as the wake up fairy! However, being the insomniac kindergartner deprived me of that privilege. But at least I got to watch the whole process from my little plastic mat...being already awake and all...=D
Have you ever noticed that a lot of people seem to be sleep walking? They walk around like zombies, mindlessly moving from one thing to the next. They go to work but wish they were home. They go home and complain about work. Then they top it all off by zoning out into the television or a book. Or they drown every moment with people and places and things, never really taking the time to be still. Then they wake up the next day and do it all over again. I have been guilty of this myself...just going through the motions without any real thought about what I am doing. My question is: Where is the joy? Where is the sense of wonder and amazement that we had as little kids? That pressing desire to stay present for every single moment, just in case something amazing happens? Where is the hope in something greater than ourselves? Greater and more wonderful than our wildest imagination? Hope in a God who will never disappoint? I would dare say that there are many people who get to the end of their lives and wonder, what have I been doing all of this time?
It is time to wake up! No more statements like: when I get married; when I get out of debt; when the children are grown; if I had a better house, a nicer car, a higher paying job...THEN I can REALLY start living. We must stop waiting to live because this moment in time is the only one we have. Living in a constant state of waiting will only rob us of the enjoyment that is to be had right now. And when we are robbed of enjoyment, we become those zombies I described earlier, just trying to get through the now so we can make to the later.
May we be challenged to wake up and look at what is right in front of us. Nine times out of ten we will see that it is PEOPLE. People who need us, who love us and are also in desperate need of a wake up call. How can we wake them up if we, too, are sleeping? We must wake up and be the light of the world that God has called us to be. If not us, then who?
"for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.' Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity..." (Ephesians 5:14-16a)
My friends, it is time to become a Wake-Up Fairy!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
God and Gracie
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| An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. Martin Buber |
I've always had at least one cat as a pet, but Gracie is the first cat who has been only mine. When I first found this four-week-old rescue, she was so tiny she could sit in the palm of my hand. She loved to curl up on my shoulder and sleep, and even though she is much bigger now, she still throws as much of her body onto my shoulder as she possibly can whenever I pick her up. Her favorite pasttime is sleeping, but she also loves to play fetch with the twist-off tab from the milk carton, watch birds through the window, and plot innovative schemes to try getting outdoors.
What I didn't know when I met Gracie is that God had a plan for her life. He reaches me through her. He uses her love--her faithful, constant, unconditional love--to remind me of His. He enlarges my spirit when she snuggles up to me and purrs, completely content just to be near. It reminds me of His nearness. She connects me with my parents as she knew them both before they died. She senses my grief at times, and won't leave my side. Neither has He. She dances with me (unwillingly at times, I'll admit :) when I'm happy, and she nuzzles me when I'm sad. God dances with me, too. And He holds my tears in His heart.
One day I whispered to Gracie: I want you to know of my love for you every single day of your life. Then I heard God whisper to me: I want you to know that, too, daughter of Mine.
How He loves me through this beautiful little creature! I knew her name before I ever met her. It's a name that reminds me daily of His grace without end. He knew my name long before anyone else, also. He knew how every single day of my life would play out. And He knew I would need little Gracie to help get me through some of the most difficult, heart-wrenching moments of my life. He knew and He provided, causing us to meet at just the right moment. I tear up when I think about it.
Who knew such mighty truths could be revealed to me through an eight-pound ball of fur? I sure didn't. But I'm undeniably and deeply grateful. And because she is in my life, I know I am undeniably and deeply loved by a God who will never let go. He is faithful.
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| Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. Anatole France |
Thursday, January 24, 2013
100 Things that Make Me Feel Alive
When rays of sunlight come through dark clouds
- Writing
- Gracie snores
- Gracie purrs
- Gracie
- Sleeping in on Saturdays
- Belly laughter with friends
- Driving with all four windows down on a beautiful, sunny day
- Travelling
- Losing myself in a really great book
- The smell of rain
- Double rainbows
- That quiet peace that falls over the earth when covered by a white blanket of snow
- Having heart-to-hearts over coffee
- The smell of coffee and new books
- Losing track of time due to being fully in the moment at a bookstore
- Eating outside
- Lying in the sunshine
- Standing at the edge of a misty ocean
- Hearing the rain fall
- Spending time with awesome people
- Helping people
- Journaling
- Prayer
- Sensing God's nearness
- Exercising outside
- Lying on park bench, reading in the sunshine
- 75 degrees, perfectly sunny, light breeze
- Salty ocean breezes
- A campground early in the morning
- Being near a lake
- Spontanaity
- Working hard
- Encouraging people
- The Eucharist
- Yummy lotion scents
- Gilmore Girls marathons
- Sleeping in freshly laundered sheets
- Free breakfast at hotels
- Airport shopping
- Flying
- Peaceful solitude
- When Gracie does flips
- Sweet moments that turn into lifelong memories
- Hugs from little kids
- Beautiful, soul enhancing music
- Johnson and Johnson's Vapor Bath
- Sun kissed faces
- Freckles
- Dandelions
- Wildflowers
- Children laughing uncontrollably
- Seeing the world through a child's imagination
- Singing at the top of my lungs while driving
- Hilarious people
- Planting seeds of hope in people's lives
- Getting lost in a video game
- Accomplishing a goal
- A clean, uncluttered home
- Freshly vaccuumed carpets
- Sipping coffee and reading in bed on Saturday mornings
- Pajamas after a long day
- Comfortable silence
- Dancing
- Singing silly songs in silly voices
- Being part of something great
- When Gracie dries my tears with her furry face
- Adoring Christ
- Productive days
- Genuinely loving people
- Having all the windows open in the house during springtime
- Lots of candles burning
- Playing guitar by candlelight
- Playing guitar outdoors
- Writing songs
- Putting the last piece in a puzzle
- Staying true to my values and belief system
- Eating healthy
- Breakfast for dinner
- Freshly polished furniture
- When the car has just been washed
- Dreaming good dreams
- Spiritual reflection
- Spiritual conversations
- Being loved
- Being a daughter of the King
- St. Cecilia in Nashville, TN
- Riding a bike across the Golden Gate Bridge
- Making people laugh
- My fuzzy cat blanket
- Fuzzy, warm socks
- Seeing the love for Jesus on the face of a Sister
- Hearing the Sisters sing
- Being content
- Weekends
- Bringing even the tiniest moments of joy to others
- The mountains in the fall
- Waterfalls
- Beautiful tapestries painted across the sky
- Cloud shapes
“Don’t ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
~Howard Thurman
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